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Daily Dose

Toddler Behavior

1.30 to read

Do you have a toddler? If so you are in the throes of some difficult, albeit sometimes funny, yet inappropriate behavior. It happens to every parent...suddenly their precious child turns into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Somewhere around 15-18 months, you will most likely see this change in behavior. Although most books refer to the “terrible twos” I really think it is the “me no wanna” 18-30 month old. 

“Me no wanna” is the phrase we often used around our house, and it was coined when the boys were toddlers. It just seemed like the best line when our sweet toddler would rather have a tantrum than do the simple task that we wanted him to do. Example: please put your toy back in the box. “Me no wanna”, I would prefer to fall to the floor and scream.   

How is it that your typically sweet 20 month old child can be in middle of playing nicely and then suddenly seems possessed as they fling themselves to the floor kicking and screaming?  What is the matter?  Are they having a seizure? Or is it that “something” just didn’t seem right to them and they are angry and frustrated???  How can they change behavior so quickly.?   (hint, foreshadowing for those teen years). 

You never know with a toddler what kind of answer you will get when you say something as easy as “let’s get on your shoes to go outside”. Sometimes they happily run get the shoes, bring them to you, sit down and the shoes go on licitly split.  The next time they get the shoes, throw them across the room, lay on the floor and look at you like “me no wanna”. 

Trust me, you are not a “bad” parent, you are just living through some really challenging parenting. It is exhausting at times, but while this age is typically difficult it is some of your most important parenting. This is really the beginning of behavior modification.  Your brilliant toddler is testing you, this may be the first time you the parents understand why everyone talks about boundaries and consequences. 

Some children also express their “me no wanna” by acting out with hitting, biting and kicking. Again, very inappropriate behavior. Your job is to change that behavior by using time out, or taking away a toy or even putting the child to bed early.. There are so many ways to start letting your toddler know that there are consequences for misbehaving, and that tantrums don’t work. 

I am in throes of “me no wanna” again, only this time it is with a puppy! Seems very similar to me.

Daily Dose

Language Development

1.30 to read

When talking to parents about language development there are two things that need to be considered: expressive and receptive language. 

While many parents worry that their children “need” to have 10-20 words by the time they reach 15 months, I am just as interested in a toddler’s receptive language. In other words, does their 15-18 month old child understand what they are saying to them (when they want to?). 

It is very important for this age child to understand simple statements and to be able to follow a one step direction.  Examples being, “where is your nose?”, “go get me the ball”, “point to the picture of the moon in the book”.  As a parent you are doing this all day long, probably without even realizing how much they are understanding (when they want to). Observing your child develop  receptive language shows you that your child’s brain is working away at developing language and comprehension. 

Some children will have later expressive language than others. There are 1 year olds that have 8-10 words and there are 15 month olds that are just acquiring that many words. But, just like you will someday help teach your child to read, you are teaching your toddler language by talking to them, reading to them and then suddenly your realize that they are saying a few words. You can’t “make” them say bye-bye, or thank-you but you can say these things over and over and know that they may comprehend before they actually talk. Most children have jargon or chatter as well as words and that too is a good sign of language development. 

Language acquisition is fascinating, and there is a wide range of normal.  It is true that boys are often later talkers than girls. I also think 2nd, 3rd, 4th children may also have later expressive language, but earlier receptive language...it seems the older sibling gives them commands that the younger child follows, but the older child also “talks” for the younger sibling. Those first children just can’t stand not to be the boss (birth order, another fascinating topic). 

So, remember just to keep reading to your child, talking to them about everyday life and magically language evolves.  Remember too, receptive language is an important milestone in your child’s development so give them some “things to do” and see what happens....you may be amazed at all of the things they do know how to do and how much they comprehend as well.

Daily Dose

Separation Anxiety

What can a parent do when their child has separation anxiety?I received an email via our iPhone App from a mother who was concerned because her toddler son was crying when they left him at day care.  They were “alarmed” as he had not previously cried when they dropped him off and wondered if this was “normal” or a sign of a problem.

Actually, this phenomenon should be quite reassuring to a parent as this is a sign that your child is developmentally on track, and has developed a healthy attachment to his parents. All children go through periods developmentally when they are more prone to separation anxiety.  As a new parent you are often concerned about “leaving” your child under the care of someone other than a parent. But, in actuality, it is far easier to leave a newborn or an infant than it is to leave a 8-9 month old. By the time a child reaches this age they are beginning to show signs of stranger anxiety. In other words, they now recognize the faces and voices of their parents, routine caregivers, siblings etc. But, when a new person (and face) reaches out for a 9 month old it is not uncommon for that child to suddenly panic and burst into tears. This is not because the “stranger” has done anything at all, but because the child now understands being separated from their parent and may fear that the parent is leaving forever. The bond between parent and child has been successfully established, which is quite healthy. This is the beginning of teaching a child that a parent may leave for work, school or even a trip, but that they will return.  Just because a parent leaves for awhile, they are not gone forever. This first stage of separation anxiety can provoke feelings of anxiousness in both child and parent, but it is an essential part of normal development. Separation anxiety, like almost all behaviors, varies from child to child. While some childen are more clingy than others, some may just be “wired” in a certain way and are more vulnerable to  separating from a parent. Regardless, it is important for a child to begin to deal with healthy separation. During the ages of 12 – 24 months separation anxiety seems to peak, and the period of crying or anxiety when a parent drops a child at day care or Sunday school, or even at a grandparents house may escalate. While a child may cry after being dropped off, most children will then calm down and may be distracted and will begin playing soon after the parent has left. Again, some children just seem to take longer to adjust, so don’t be alarmed if  one child cries for 2 minutes, while another may take up to 20-30 minutes to settle down. Toddlers do not understand the concept of time, and therefore each one may react differently.  While happily playing while the parent is gone, it is not uncommon for the child to cry again upon seeing their parent when being picked up.  For the toddler, the return of the parent may remind them of how they felt when the parent left earlier in the day. For most children separation anxiety decreases between 2 -4 years of age as you can explain,  and a child can understand,  where you are going, how long you will be gone etc. For children who have rarely been left with others, it may be more difficult at this age.  Remember, healthy separations are important for both parent and child, and the idea that no one will “babysit” or care for your child other than a parent is not realistic nor does it teach your child to build trust in others. The more experience a child has had with earlier normal periods of separation the easier different transitions will be.  Remember, they will all be going to school one day and you want to prepare them for that separation. Lastly, every child has good days and bad days and almost every child will have a phase when it is harder to separate than others. Just remember to hang in there, be re-assuring to your child when you leave them, do not prolong the departure, and be understanding about their anxiety. As with so many experiences in parenting, “this too shall pass”. That's your daily dose for today. We'll chat again tomorrow. Send your question or comment to Dr. Sue now!

Daily Dose

Play It Safe While Playing on the Slide

Do you remember the first time your child went down a sliding board? Or do you have a toddler who is about ready to make their first trip down the slide?

I remember watching my child climb the ladder up a sliding board, and then looking back and saying, “Mommy, you come with me.” So, up the ladder you go, putting your child in your lap for that first sliding board experience. Isn’t that the safest and easiest way to teach your child about a sliding board? What a sense of accomplishment, for both parent and child. Such a fun day at the park!! Well, I was reading a study by Dr. John Gaffney in an issue of the Journal of Pediatric Orthopedics. Dr. Gaffney noted that he was seeing fractures of the tibia (shin bone) in toddlers, many of whom had a history of being on a slide. I must admit, I haven’t ever seen a fractured tibia from a sliding board accident, but he looked at medical records for all tibia fractures he treated over an 11- month period. Of the 58 tibia fractures he studied, eight (13.8%) were sustained while playing on a playground slide. The age range of these patients was 14 – 32 months, and the average age of the eight patients in the study was 20.7 months. All of the tibia fractures associated with playing on a slide were sustained while going down the slide on the lap of an adult or an older sibling. None of the eight children studied had been on the slide alone. Dr. Gaffney states, “if a toddler is riding by himself and gets his leg stuck against the side of the slide, he can stop himself fairly easily, but with a parent’s weight added in you have greater velocity and momentum and it is harder to stop and the leg may get wedged and subsequently break.” He advises that if a child cannot use a sliding board independently, you should look for another age appropriate piece of playground equipment. I guess that would mean the sandbox. Thank goodness that I was lucky enough that all of my children made it safely down the slide with their parents, as I know both my husband and I were on the slide numerous times. I am sure I have pictures of that event, but I will be telling my patients about this interesting study. Like many things, there are risks involved, so find a smaller slide that your child can handle alone, or just wait until they are bigger. It ironic that something that we think will make our children safer might actually cause more injury. That’s your daily dose, we’ll chat again tomorrow. Send your question to Dr. Sue right now!

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